tldr; I have returned as CEO, and will be going into Founder Mode ™️ to run the company personally 🫡
Six months ago I stepped away from dYdX. When I left, I saw three possibilities:
- The company would need me. I would be forced to come back
- I would find freedom, and move on towards a new chapter in life
- I would discover my true purpose for continuing, and come back with my ultimate drive and authenticity
All three came to be.
Necessity
dYdX has had a challenging year. We’ve faced tough competition and a tough market. It’s become obvious to me we need to revitalize the company or we will fade.
I realize now why the leadership that’s needed must come from the founder.
As the founder, nobody will ever care or believe the way the founder does. It is theirs. That can’t be replicated.
Founders have moral authority over their companies. They are the biological parent. A trusted founder can make dramatic changes that would be impossible for anyone else. The only constant in startups is that big changes must be constant.
A founder sees their company as every age it has ever been, simultaneously. Whereas everyone else mostly sees the company as it is today, the founder sees it as a continuum, a journey growing out of its beginnings. This gives a completely different level of ownership and perspective as they’ve been the author and protagonist of the company’s story since page one.
This gives the founder vision. Vision is essential to unite and inspire. In my time away from dYdX, execution went well but I saw everyone slowly start to ask “wait.. what are we really doing here again?”.
I now know the company needs me, and that is ok.
Freedom
Leaving was a letting go of most everything and everyone I cared about all at once. I felt blindingly lost. Only then did I realize how much of my self I had wrapped up in dYdX. In the space, I was able to more clearly identify which parts of this were authentic and which were of fear.
A founder cannot truly leave their company. Founder is a title given for that act of creation, and it persists. For years I felt chained by this. I could not get away.
Now, I feel free. I will never get away, the company is a part of me. When I accepted that, I found peace. My freedom is continuing on the journey. This time, with complete authenticity and acceptance.
Purpose
For the first five years, I was primarily motivated by achievement. Eventually I suddenly felt profoundly satisfied with this, and so ceased to find it motivating.
After, my primary motivation became connection. A good one, and one I’ll always value. I kept going because I loved my coworkers. Ultimately though, I realized leadership was holding me back from the purest experience. So, I took a leap of faith and let it all go. The love that flowed into that space made me finally feel whole.
Now my motivation just is. I don’t need to seek an external goal. This is who I am and so I will continue. It has felt like the place authentic creation comes from.
I finally feel ready to fully accept my role in what I created, and so, today I am back as CEO. I believe I am coming back with both the drive I felt for the first five years, and the wisdom I’ve found in the last two.
I feel intense gratitude for our team and supporters. Thank you for always driving forwards, and for the space you’ve given me. Thank you for continuing to believe in me and dYdX.
We have much to do and many chapters to write. For the first time, I don’t know where that story will take us. But I know we are in exactly the right place, and I am whole heartedly here for it.